Forget the "Stages." Grief is a Spiral.

Grief is natural. For many Witches, Spirals are natural, too.

When mammals are hungry, they need to eat. When they are tired, they must rest. When they lose, they need to grieve.

Grief is natural to mammals.

When our family dog died, our newer puppy grieved for her, putting himself to bed early in the evening and showing a sudden disinterest in play. For a long time, I had two cats who never got along. But when one died, the other searched the house for her and slept for unusually long hours. When she was awake, she sought constant cuddles and cried if I moved her.

We humans are no different.

You may have heard of the “Stages Of Grief,” the feelings commonly associated with a loss: Shock, Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Despair, Acceptance.

Those of us who have had big losses are familiar with these feelings. We’re also likely to recognize these less as “stages” that we pass through once and never again, and more like chaotic entities that pummel us repeatedly over the years. Shortly after a loss, we may experiencing them several times over the course of a day. Basically, the “Stages of Grief” aren’t “stages, at all.”

Grief is not a list of stages. For many Witches, grief is a Spiral.

When we attempt to fit grief into stages, we likely find that we can’t. It’s just not natural to the process. But when we find that we can’t just check off the boxes (“Well…now I’ve experienced anger. I guess now I’m on to bargaining?”), we may wonder if we’re failing at grieving: “I was already angry. Then I was in despair. Now I’m angry again? Am I grieving wrong???”

A spiral whips in circles, and someone traveling in a spiral pattern will pass the same places many times. Likewise, when we are grieving, we will experience the same feeling numerous times. We likely won’t feel shock only once, and then never again. We will surely feel angry numerous times. Despair may creep up on us when we least expect it.

There’s a sadness to this truth, but there’s also a beauty in it. And if we take the time to look, there’s a Magick to it as well.

Grief changes us.

Magick changes us.

Grief is its own form of Magick.

Some resources for grieving Witches:

My book Sacred Tears: A Witch’s Guide To Grief is now available for pre-order.

An excellent blog post (and winner of Witchcraft And Occult Media Awards: 2024 Outstanding Blog Post Of The Year! Congratulations, Irene! ) “Grief, Spiritual, Bypassing, and how not to stick your foot in your mouth” by Irene Glasse.

My dear friend Theresa Reed has a Tarot book for tough situations: The Cards You’re Dealt: How To Deal When Life Gets Real.